"How do you do, Johnny!" the woman breathed "I´m Dia .. Yes - O.K. - my name is Artemis. But I prefer to be called Diana. That is so much more modern and hip, don´t you think?" Johnny trying not to groan and winced. "Hip" hadn't been modern for years ...
But out loud he just said polite "I like both. But what´s in a name. ... one should of course call people what they prefer. I am all for that. So if you prefer Diana ... But - it is what is inside that counts for me and that usually doesn´t change with a name. ... Although my own girl got a better life after changing her name? But I don´t think that had anything to do with the name - but with a change of company - and surroundings ..."
Johnny stopped a bit lamely thinking that he wouldn´t have been in this mess if people had been paying more attention to names - but still ...
"Yes, yes, the company is so important" purred Diana and hooking her arm into Johnny´s pressed her breast so firmly against same arm that she almost stopped the blood circulation down to Johnny´s hand.
"Shouldn´t we go some where else, darling. These family functions are such a drag!" she continued and started to drag Johnny down the steps into the garden.
"Yes, we could do that ..." Johnny said - trying to slow down - but the woman was very strong. "This is ridiculous!" Johnny thought "I am a man and should be able to stop ..."
"Oh, yes, of course you are a man. You are all delicious, delightful man - all over" Diana answered his thoughts with that irritating habit gods have of listening in on one´s thoughts at will.
That suddenly made Johnny realized who and what she was. And this time he did managed to stop.
"You are Diana ..." he said. Thinking to himself "Yes, she just told you so, dummy" But then before she could answer his thoughts again Johnny said out loud "You are the goddess of hunting and the moon and - and other things. What do you want with me? I don´t like to hunt ... Only Meeps around the bed room once in a while - for .. the fun .. of it ..."
Diana looked very irritated. And Johnny thought about jumping behind a bush standing to the right of him. But then decided that a mere bush could not stop an irate goddess ... Besides it could hardly be said to be said bush´s fault so why should that be punished too by being burned to a crisp.
So he just waited - trying not to close his eyes and whimper ...
Then he heard a very welcome sound. Meeps´ voice saying "Here he is. How do you do, my lady Diana ... Mumsy - Uncle - he is over here by the rose bushes"
And Meeps came running over and cuddled up to Johnny as closely as she could.
Johnny was about to say "Better move out of the way, baby girlie. There is a goddess about to erupt" But the hug was way too nice and comforting to tell her to stop so he just hoped Diana would be fair and only hit him.
But neither of them got in the way of the fair Diana´s wrath because Aphrodite said in a very sharp tone of voice "What is it I hear, young lady!?! Hermes here tells me you almost killed the poor wee darling to get him away from Meeps - so you could have him for yourself! He´s my little baby and you´ll keep your fingers off of him ..."
"You abducted the real Johnny Depp and ..." Diana started.
But the love goddess was having none of it. "Yes! In order to SEDUCE the sweet man, you silly ... woman! In order to seduce him. I didn´t almost kill him first! ... I didn´t mean for my sweet Ares to ram him either - the silly goat - erm, ram just got jealous ... But you almost killed this poor little baby boy! AND messed with his head trying to make him think he was the real Johnny Depp! ... why on Earth - or in the Underworld - did you do either?"
Since the lovely love goddess apparently had cooled off somewhat Diana tried to explain. She was still angry at them all for not going along with her plans for Johnny and herself. But with Athena and Hermes standing quietly behind the formidable Aphrodite she was clearly out numbered.
Meeps cautiously dragged Johnny over under a tree though - out of the way of any stray lightning bolts and such - where they sat themselves down leaning against Cerberus laying there on the ground panting.
"O.K. I ... want to have him ... Can you blame me!?!" Diana began - still sounding angry - but being mollified a bit when all three gods shook their heads.
To Johnny´s quiet amusement Meeps´ shook her head too.
"Well - you can´t?" Diana said sounding amazed. Then continued "Oh, well - it started like this ..."