Madame Marchand is rather disgruntled - I mean sad and disappointed - on her way home from a long night´s work trying - mostly in vain, I am afraid - to persuade prostitutes, pick-pockets, pimps and other good peop - sorry - sinners that they ought to turn from their life in the dregs of society and embrace Jesus Christ as their personal Savoir.
Madame board a bus and sits down with a deep sigh. At least she is alone in the very early morning bus - except for the driver, of course.
But that blessed condition doesn´t go on for long because at the next stop a man gets on board shouting loudly goodbye to his friends and then staggers up through the now moving bus.
Madame Marchand frowns quite sure the man is inebriated. Yet another sinner in this vale of tears ...
As he reach her he takes up his disreputable old hat and bow to her with a flourish - almost loosing his balance doing so - and saying with a big, charming smile and in heavily accented but passable French; "Bonjour, Madame. Come t´il Vous?"
Then he stands - swaying and holding on with one hand singing to himself:

"What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?
... early in the morning?"

"Why, oh, why" sighs Madame Marchand to herself "is these rascals almost always so very charming! ... must be the Devil hard at work"
As the man starts explaining - singing:

"Put him in the lifeboat till he´s sober"

.. she states sternly without the least bit of a smile "You, young man, is going straight to Hell! If you don´t mend your ways Hell is where you are going for sure!"
The man looks puzzled at her and sinks down into the seat opposite with a sigh even deeper than Madame’s. Then says slowly "Are you really - really sure, Madame?"
She nods firmly. Even if he is so very adorable one have to very firm with these people.
Then the man adds "Course ... I mean - Iggy Pop was so sure I just had to take this bus to ... to the Eiffel Tower and then ..."
Suddenly the man gets up and lurch forward yelling franticly "Stop! STOP, driver! I want to get off! I am definitely on the wrong bus - I wanna go home to Vanessa PARADISE!"

Please note I admire the traditionally Christian values very much and tries to stick to many of them myself as well as I can - it is just certain types of people I am making fun of here, not the Christian religion as such *o*

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BUS NUMBER FOUR

One night my imaginary Johnny and I had been at a very nice, but rather drunken party at some friends´ house. So - when it was time to leave all busses had long since stopped going and the taxi companies announced we had to wait for at least an hour getting a cab, so we decided to walk.
We also need the fresh air, my darling stated.
Normally we both love walking - but as I said; we had had a little too much to drink so when we passed the huge garage where the bus company keep their vehicles at night I suggested we should borrow a bus to get us home. Being quite sure in my drunken condition that no one would mind the least bit *O*
"But - you can´t drive at all and ... Are you sure I can drive a bus?" my beautiful boy asked - not been quite as drunk as me, I guess.
"S-sure!" I stated "You have rode I don´t know how many horses. Made your own air-plane and flown it too! You managed two horses in front of a big carriage in Sleepy - although that went to smithereens in the end ... You have drove all manner of cars - a convertible converting into Freddy Krueger among others! A car Lefty almost split apart - forgetaboutit! Of course you can drive a mere bus! You just wait here and I'll find us one"
So my sweetie plumped himself down beside the gate with his usually sweet "Sure, Meeps" and started to sing the old song about "There is a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza" so I had to get myself over the gate - which ripped a hole in my jeans, dear Johnny, dear Johnny -o*
After a while the happy singer got impatient though and got up and yelled "MEEPS! What are you doing in there? Have you fallen asleep or what?"
That silly man ...
So I had to comfort him by yelling "Well, hold your horses, will you! I have to find a bus number FOUR, don´t I! So we don´t have to go too far after having gotten off at the bus stop at home, of course!"

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